Monday, 27 February 2017

I live in the shadow of my mother’s dementia, it haunts me.

I live in the shadow of my mother’s dementia, it haunts me. 

I have passed the age when my mother’s dementia started to show. I have a lighthearted silly side to my nature. I keep asking myself, is it a sign as I have a playful moment and tease my students in class. I play the fool, maybe I am a fool. I lose words, they float away, oh yes, they come back but not at the moment that I need them, they return a day late. And what was I  saying?  And have I already mentioned I had lunch with Mary? Or was it Judith? I think my memory is getting worse. 

Have I always been like this or has my forgetfulness crept up on me? Is it inherited? Should I get myself tested? Yes, I am frightened, not of dying, of my mind dying.

I live in the shadows of my mother’s dementia.

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Esther’s Christmas lecture

Well that’s Christmas over, now in only a few days New Year will be over.

Are you stuck with left overs, half eaten tins of biscuits, box of chocolates? Will they still be around as New Year looms and passes? Did you enjoy that extra glass or two or three and now regret you gave in to your relatives and friends telling you, “Well it’s Christmas……it only comes around once a year……go on, you deserve it”.

I hate giving advice, no one likes to hear it. We already know what’s best for us. So I suggest you ignore my advice. Which is firstly make no resolutions. Do not go on a diet, do not have a wish list for what you want to achieve in the new year. Wishes are fine if you live in fairy land. Stop wanting and start doing.

Question and challenge yourself and your old habits and beliefs, they may need refreshing, you may not be in control of your life but you are in the driving seat.

Trust and believe in yourself. No one knows you better than you. Listen to your inner voice. And most of all, blame no one.

Happy New Year.

Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Which do you choose and why?

You’re sitting on a park bench in a park. Families and dogs are milling about. When a very large tiger comes over to your bench and sits down next to you. No one seems to notice a large fury tiger sitting next to you.
He says hello and is obviously friendly. He offers you four things he can do for you but you’re only allowed to choose one.

First, the tiger offers you boxing lessons and puts up his paws.

Second, he offers you dancing classes and stands on his back legs and does a twirl.

Third, he offers to teach you to build your own aeroplane.

Fourth, he offers to put his paws around you, hug and kiss you and love you forever.

Which do you choose and why?


Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Lotte Berk Workshop

 After I finished my training with my mother Lotte Berk, I would pop up to London regularly and enjoy a class with her. This kept me on my toes, kept me stimulated and up to date with her work. I miss her keen eye, her integrity, her enthusiasm.

I have had to learn that I need to do this for myself. I realize that we all need to keep standards up to scratch, which gave me the idea of starting to run a weekend workshop for my trainees. My trainees are fantastic and I’m proud of them. It would be fantastic for them to meet up once a year. They would benefit from a regular workout together as I did from going to my Mother.

I hope that this could be an interesting experience seeing each other’s work. Asking questions and discussion. We could learn from each other. We could learn a lot from each other. Give each other feedback, clarify any problems. Discussing ideas so we can learn from each other, keeping the Lotte Berk standard at a peak. This workshop is open to anyone who has or is being trained by me or one of my teachers. We welcome you with open arms. It’s going to be fun, engaging and meaningful.
Booking now is available for next year, 2017.



Tuesday, 6 September 2016

Eccentric upbringing

Kelly trained with me in the authentic Lotte Berk technique and opened her own studio in California last year. Recently she suggested I write a blog as her students were so interested in Lotte, her life and her sex life. Sex, sex, sex. Yes, there was a lot of it. In my teens I was amazed that I had not turned to prostitution as a career, but happily I must have been about 12 when mother decided I was old enough for her to tell all. Well I wasn’t and as a role model it didn’t work for me.

I squirmed with embarrassment and discomfort. One day, rather bravely and brazenly I actually accused her of being a prostitute. Well, there is no need for me to explain her huge reaction. First was the deadly silence, then the aftermath. I even made it worse by asking my uncle Frank and his wife, also called Esther, to adopt me. I can’t imagine how my mother felt. No wonder she thought I was a difficult child. Now, in my mature years, I am rather pleased to have had such an eccentric upbringing. It held me in a good place for all my life lessons.

So, thanks mother.

Thursday, 25 August 2016

What a survivor

Your mother is sex on legs. A man commented to me. I see her as having a charismatic sensuality. If there is such a thing, well there is now. Sex came into everything long before mother developed her exercise technique. She flirted outrageously, dressed provocatively. Her big black eyes drew men in like a moth to a flame, and all of them burnt.

Her exercises were the perfect vehicle for her to enjoy her sexuality. Beside firming and shaping your body I’m sure a lot of her popularity came from women who attended Lotte Berk classes who began to connect with their own sensuality and enjoy the feel of their own bodies. Some even commented that their husbands noticed a greater – well, I’m not going to say am I?

Mother used sexual banter in her classes and a lot of innuendo. What with her strong accent this became hilarious, laughter rocked in the studio. Mother believed in having fun with her mischievous personality but a tough work out, she succeeded in creating the classes unique atmosphere.

Mother enjoyed her fame and notoriety. It was hell for her when she retired from the theatre. Her life darkened. Affairs didn’t lift her mood, nothing did. Developing her exercise technique and opening her studio changed her life. She blossomed, earned money that dancing didn’t give her. From 49 her new life exploded bringing meaning back into her life. What a survivor.